Monsters Rate Spokane in Halloween Survey

Greater Spookane Inc. has published its inaugural “Quality of Death” survey for Halloween, asking local villains to judge Spokane, the Lilac City. The exercise is satire, with ratings touching on winter weather, culture, transportation and familiar landmarks.

One monster praised winter cloud cover, while another complained that it blocked the full moon from November through March. Reviewers mentioned Russian and Ukrainian culture, one Egyptian restaurant, churches, trails, old buildings and easy access to the Spokane River. One visitor misread an onion-field smell near the Columbia Basin as garlic. Gonzaga basketball earned approval, but the crosses on campus did not.

The fictional panel also highlighted Spokane’s sewer system, behavioral-health and health-care services, lakes, steel industry, forest, wolf protections and summer events including Hoopfest and Bloomsday. A separate review liked the old Riverside Masonic Temple statues and Shadle Park’s craft fair, though not for the expected reason. For Spokane residents, the jokes turn recognizable city features—winter conditions, local businesses, public spaces and regional culture—into the survey’s measures of monster satisfaction.